Anonymous asked:

Is it possible for a lesbian not to be femme or dyke but just in the middle? I mean not to girly but not to boyish either because I feel like i fall right in the middle of both but i've never heard of a name for it.

thelesbianguide answered:

It’s called being you. I don’t subscribe myself to any label other than being a lesbian because I don’t identify with any of the sub-categories that are associated.

[Side note as to why]
I think one of the few benefits of discovering my sexuality/coming out at a young age is that I was alone, so I just had to keep pushing forward and doing me. All I had to do was get through every day, one day at a time. That was my focus. So all the other ideas of “what it means to be gay” (which is total bullshit by the way) in terms of image, who to hang out with, how to act, et cetera were completely irrelevant. Which is really how you should look at it. Doesn’t matter how you dress, who you hang out with, who you choose to be with, and the rest. You’ll be surprised by how many people get inspired by your confidence of being exactly who you are/want to be. The number of friendships that I have gained across the gamut of humans based on this idea is exponential. What you exude is what people will see. And being happy to be exactly who you are, that self-love is what will attract people to you the most.

(My) mantra: Love it. Know it. Own it. [Fuck the rest]

~ Va-J-J     



I kinda feel bad for all the people who did deal with it that way though? By developing an image. I did it more the way you described, but I think there’s some people that deal with their identity by finding how they are “supposed” to fit in the world. And they deserve respect too.

I mean I can understand where you’re coming from and you’re in full right to your opinion. But here is my issue when people focus on image primarily for identification. I know multiple women who went about it that way and it was constantly listening to them say “This doesn’t make me gay enough. Do I look gay to you? Does this make me more of a lesbian?” and the answer is no. What makes you a lesbian is the fact that your sexual, emotional and romantic preference is the company of women. Not what you look like. I also think that focusing on image negates from the internal exploration and understanding of your own sexuality which leads to elongated confusion. Your personal style will come with time. I mean look at a picture of yourself from when you were 12 compared to now. Things have changed. Things will continue to change. But if you repress dealing with the complicated stuff and focus immediately on trying to fit in based on fashion, it’s going to be a longer convoluted uphill battle. 

~ Va-J-J


Don’t forget that fashion acts a queer beacon to other queers to let them know you’re in their dating pool! Femme invisibility and whatnot.